To Annie, please: How do I let my married adult children know that I dislike spending the holidays with my ex? My son invited my wife, my ex, my daughter and her family, and myself to Thanksgiving together, even though he lives many states away. I will be spending a holiday with both of my children for the first time in almost seven years.Since the birth of my granddaughter, my daughter has hosted Christmas at her house each year. My ex is always there, even though we are invited. At the very least, I believe that holidays should be joyful occasions, so perhaps we should switch around the years. However, that doesn’t occur.
Being around her on Thanksgiving makes me dreadful. When everyone else is out of earshot, she makes fun of me or, in my perspective, wants to cause a fight. I view her as an unfaithful witch who lies and cheats.I would rather be with my children than with her. She has a history of conflict with my son-in-law and daughter-in-law. I could go on and on, but my letter is lengthy enough. — Preventing ExDear Preventing Ex: Saying that to your adult children is the greatest approach to let them know that you don’t want to spend the holidays with your ex. However, be aware that it may mean spending less time with your children.You essentially have two options: Spend more (quantity) time with your children without your ex making offensive comments, or spend less time (but quality time) with them while ignoring the negativity and chatter of your ex-wife.She will be in your life no matter what you choose. It’s advisable to attempt to forgive and let go of part of your resentment toward her for her infidelity. For your sake, not for hers.
To Annie, please: Two years ago, I ended my relationship with my children’s mother. Our past has been quite difficult. I treated her badly for the first couple of years, and we separated for two years after our first child was born. After eighteen months, we reconciled.We were together for seven years on our second stint, and we had another child. She wouldn’t leave her mother, and my job eventually took me away, so we didn’t work out.I am now seen as a criminal. I am only permitted to speak with the youngest of them once a week and do not get to see them. The mother refuses to work with me on a fair schedule, and the courts are so backed up it may be another six months before I can get a court date.The mother isn t a good person, and I fear for the way my kids are being raised and what they are being told. I m at a loss on what to do while I wait for the court date. — Concerned FatherDear Concerned: At least you re honest, admitting that your treatment of her was not good, so you can understand why she is keeping you away. But if you have really changed, why not write her a letter explaining what was going on in your life? Send her flowers; send the kids gifts. You might even try to have a calm, quiet conversation with her mother as well. Try courting them a little, rather than waiting for your day in court. If you are successful, you won t need it.
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