Greetings, Eric My partner and I have been together for seven years. We are not legally married, and we do not have any children together. He’s 39 and I’m 36, and I’m at the age where I want to get married and have a family.
He was quite open to marriage and having children when we first started dating, but it appears that this has changed, even if he hasn’t told me this directly. He says he is amenable to it, but that we would need to have a plan because we don’t have a support system because both of our parents are dead.
I can’t obviously plan this out the way he wants me to.
Regarding marriage, he says, “That does not mean we will not get married,” even though he does not fully appreciate the necessity of marriage in our informal discussions about it. But after seven years, it’s obvious that he doesn’t want to.
Even though I feel like having children may not be in my future as I get older and time is running out, I am at the point where I want to quit this relationship no matter how much I love him because these are things that I truly want. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, therefore I haven’t said that I want to break up with him. Is it incorrect of me to want to leave?
Bewildered Spouse
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
-
Asking Eric: When my friend drives, his anger and impatience stress me out
-
Asking Eric: Older relative insists on wastefully washing dishes by hand to help
-
Asking Eric: Extended family gift-giving can be a minefield, especially for those with limited finances
To My Partner: It’s probable that a lot of discussion is taking place in your brains as a result of the informal discussions and the implicit directive.
It’s time to discuss wants, worries, and logistics. Naturally, the difficult part of this is that fear and our desires are frequently irrational. However, you must work through everything as a pair in order to proceed. A couple’s counselor might be a helpful resource in this situation. Simply having an impartial person guide you through your emotions and pose crucial questions can be immensely beneficial.
You ought to let him know how you’re feeling, including how strongly. It’s reasonable to suggest that marriage and having kids are really important [for these reasons], but you don’t have to give him an ultimatum. In addition to my own autonomous timetable, there is a biological time clock in use here. Tell him what you want, what you’re scared of, and what you have in mind for a strategy. Naturally, we are unable to anticipate the future, but all too frequently, these discussions are hampered by a single issue that is easily resolved but cannot be addressed in the here and now.
After that, invite him to discuss his goals, fears, and strategy. You can discover areas where you are misaligned and others where you complement each other. It could be best for you both to go away, but first give yourself time to have an open discussion about it.
Note: Every piece of content is rigorously reviewed by our team of experienced writers and editors to ensure its accuracy. Our writers use credible sources and adhere to strict fact-checking protocols to verify all claims and data before publication. If an error is identified, we promptly correct it and strive for transparency in all updates, feel free to reach out to us via email. We appreciate your trust and support!