To Eric, I was intrigued by a recent letter on birthday presents for kids since, as a parent, I had experienced a similar predicament.
Due mostly to budgetary constraints, my numerous siblings and I never gave or received gifts from our numerous cousins when we were growing up. We are still cordial with all of them today, and it was not a part of our customs.
My husband grew up in a similar environment, where there was no custom of relatives exchanging gifts.
However, several of my siblings started sending cards with tiny checks on my children’s birthdays as we entered the parenting stage. We were supposed to return the favor, of course. We made an effort to stay up, but after a few years we decided to break with a custom we had never accepted. The cost was prohibitive.
I gave an explanation, without feeling compelled to elaborate. I stopped sending my kids cards and checks. Even if my husband and I have had financial success over the years, would I do the same thing now? Indeed!
Even after all these years, I still occasionally hear family members make insensitive or shameful comments about cards they never received. This demonstrates a startling lack of comprehension, in my opinion. I believe I made the right choice if this is the result of giving too many gifts.
I wish it had been different.
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: Last time I saw my friend I was 100 lbs lighter. I m ashamed for him to see me this way
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Asking Eric: What’s an appropriate reward for person who found, and returned, my lost wallet?
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Asking Eric: My son s family has shut me out of Christmas celebrations. How can I ask to be included?
To Wish: I’m happy that went well for you. For many, this can be a frustrating quagmire. Gifts should never replace sincere communication or relationships. We must be explicit since money mumbles rather than speaks.
Though they don’t have a one-to-one exchange rate, gifts and cards might serve as expressions of our gratitude. It’s wise to pause and consider what kind of relationship we’re truly aiming for and how we may achieve it on a person-to-person basis when family members and friends begin exchanging gifts as if they were on the floor of a stock exchange or when sentiments are hurt due to an unfulfilled expectation.
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