To Eric, If anyone had this experience and has suggestions for handling the fallout, I would be delighted to hear from you and your readers.
Our daughter recently married a wonderful man. The wedding invite list was chosen by the two of them. They were very clear about the friends and family they wanted to celebrate their wonderful day with.
My sister was not invited, and now I am totally disowned by my family. I had some very good relationships, but now they’re all gone. I made an effort to clarify to everyone—including my mother—that it wasn’t my wedding and that I wasn’t invited.
Does this happen often? What strategies do people employ to move on?
Depressing in Seattle
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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To Sad, This is very unfortunate to hear. Although many families are impacted by estrangement, every circumstance and family is unique. To put it bluntly, the circumstances surrounding your family’s disavowal of you are peculiar. Totally disowning a sister or daughter is extreme conduct, even when it hurts to be left off of the guest list. These incidents can occasionally be the beginning of a poisonous relationship’s furthest reaches. It’s possible that your family members’ long-standing grievances served as fuel. You have a fire when you combine that with the tension around your daughter’s invitation.
There is useful advice on comprehending, dealing with, and repairing familial estrangement in Karl Pillemer’s book Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. I would highly recommend that you speak with your family, asking a few questions and listening intently. Hearing their points of view in all of this can be instructive, but it’s difficult to refrain from defending yourself, particularly when faced with such ruthless irrationality. Hopefully, the information you learn will enable you to proceed.
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